Yet another school year, yet another quest for perfection

As the weather gets colder, the leaves start to change, and cougar athletics start to disappoint me, I am left with the same questions I have encountered for the past four years. What do I think of Provo? What do I think of BYU? When asked these questions I am caught in an automatic bipolar thought process. At times I love Provo and BYU and then a split second later (when I see a million boys wearing flip flops, byu team football tee's, and sportin' skewed version of the side part in their mane) I hate BYU and the greater Provo area.

I don't know what it is, but there is something about Mormons and their constant quest for perfection that just drives me up the wall. I watch my friends break and bend to the demands of BYU academics, BYU fashion statements, and BYU standards, and become depressed due to feelings of inadequacy. And every year it breaks my heart. At the same time, the high pressure, fast paced, extremely demanding environment brings out the very best in those around me. So what is up with Utah? What's up with me? Am I the only one that thinks I'm going crazy (props to manchester orchestra)? Seriously people, I need some answers!

But as the insomniac and night owl that I am, I was impressed by this thought at 2 am when I am supposed to be studying for an environmental epidemiology test (BLAH). Are the feelings that I have for BROvo the same feelings I have towards love? Not as in love for family and friends, but as in love for my future "eternal companion" hahahaha. I am obsessed with the idea of falling in love, but when it comes down to it, I shy away from the commitment. Just as I am obsessed with the idea of BYU not disappointing me and yet it always does.

If that is the case, as is the case in every other aspect of my life, I need to take a step back and let life take the reigns. Being the oldest of 6 children, I am burdened with the joys and sorrows of chronic worry and the constant desire to control my surroundings. My goal for this semester is to take a step back and let life surprise me. The best things in life are things that you never expect and never plan, the beautiful surprises of life. Is this a sign of my maturity? A sign of my new found intelligence? Only time will tell. I'll keep you updated. But as for now, I will search for the beautiful moments and cherish them.