Yet another school year, yet another quest for perfection

As the weather gets colder, the leaves start to change, and cougar athletics start to disappoint me, I am left with the same questions I have encountered for the past four years. What do I think of Provo? What do I think of BYU? When asked these questions I am caught in an automatic bipolar thought process. At times I love Provo and BYU and then a split second later (when I see a million boys wearing flip flops, byu team football tee's, and sportin' skewed version of the side part in their mane) I hate BYU and the greater Provo area.

I don't know what it is, but there is something about Mormons and their constant quest for perfection that just drives me up the wall. I watch my friends break and bend to the demands of BYU academics, BYU fashion statements, and BYU standards, and become depressed due to feelings of inadequacy. And every year it breaks my heart. At the same time, the high pressure, fast paced, extremely demanding environment brings out the very best in those around me. So what is up with Utah? What's up with me? Am I the only one that thinks I'm going crazy (props to manchester orchestra)? Seriously people, I need some answers!

But as the insomniac and night owl that I am, I was impressed by this thought at 2 am when I am supposed to be studying for an environmental epidemiology test (BLAH). Are the feelings that I have for BROvo the same feelings I have towards love? Not as in love for family and friends, but as in love for my future "eternal companion" hahahaha. I am obsessed with the idea of falling in love, but when it comes down to it, I shy away from the commitment. Just as I am obsessed with the idea of BYU not disappointing me and yet it always does.

If that is the case, as is the case in every other aspect of my life, I need to take a step back and let life take the reigns. Being the oldest of 6 children, I am burdened with the joys and sorrows of chronic worry and the constant desire to control my surroundings. My goal for this semester is to take a step back and let life surprise me. The best things in life are things that you never expect and never plan, the beautiful surprises of life. Is this a sign of my maturity? A sign of my new found intelligence? Only time will tell. I'll keep you updated. But as for now, I will search for the beautiful moments and cherish them.

TRAVELING & CHANGE

Where we are by Gerald Locklin

"I envy those

who live in two places:

new york, say, and london;

wales and spain;

l.a. and paris;

hawaii and switzerland.

there is always the anticipation

of the change, the chance that what is wrong

is the result of where you are.

i have

always loved both freshness of

arriving and the relief of leaving.

with

two homes every move would be a homecoming.

i am not even considering the weather,

hot

or cold,

dry of wet:

i am talking about hope."

New places and new things bring out something in us. There is a certain FREEDOM and RELEASE that encircle us and push us to be more than we are or were. To become something NEW or DIFFERENT, one must accept the fact that one must change, grow, and expand. One night when I was in San Francisco, I was looking out over the city with the Golden Gate bridge to my right and a full moon in the sky. I was blown away by the feelings I had. I did not feel alone, I did not feel unimportant, I did not feel insignificant. I did feel the spring of possibilities, the capabilities of my dreams, and the desire to make a change. I have LEARNED that to find yourself you have to take a piece of of everything and everyone you experience and make it a new part of you. In the movie The Motorcycle Diaries the main character states that, "You have to let the world change you, then you can change the world." Sometimes the world can appear all too big for us to handle, but the beauty and magnificence of experiencing it should overpower those fears. So I pray that I will continue to seek adventure, seek new people, seek change, but mostly seek LOVE.

SUMMER :)

This summer has been one filled with traveling, old friends, new friends, family, and a lot of fun. I recently went back to Boston to go to some Red Sox games and visit old friends from high school. It was a fantastic time and I really miss them :(. It was crazy to think about the fact that we graduated from high school 4 YEARS ago! Craziness! The following week I went to Oregon to visit my grandparents. My grandmother is my hero. I love her and relate with her so well! She is the strongest and kindest person that I know. When I got back to Cali Cali, my mom got this new camera lense and did some cool shots of me and the family!

I go back to school shortly with my sister and brother! I could not be more excited for school to start. It will be good to be back with my friends and to make some crazy memories! It is also my senior year and it is going to be a great one! I am so blessed to have all the friends and family that I do! It has been a memorable and fantastic summer!

Mom I got a blog!

Okay, here is the deal: my life is pretty sweet. I am a 21 (soon to be 22) year old, currently from San Diego, California. Growing up I moved a lot (Utah, Colorado, Oregon, Boston, and Virginia) and my family still moves a lot, but we are hoping CA will remain our permanent address. I am the oldest of six kids, three boys and three girls. I know that I am partial, but I am pretty positive I have the coolest family ever! My parents are Big John and Rob (pictured to the above). My mom was rated hottest MILF in high school, so she has that going for her. My dad was and will always be the big man on campus.

Anyways, I am a senior at good ole Brigham Young University. I am majoring in Public health with a health science emphasis, when I graduate in about 239847 years I am hoping to go to some sort of medical graduate program. When I eventually mature into an adult (which may never happen) I want to work in an international medical setting and change the world to some small extent.

A few things about me:

• I love traveling
• I'm obsessed with fashion
• My family and friends are the most important things in my life
• I'm a sports fanatic, I love the Boston Red Sox and I am currently obsessed with BYU basketball...GO COUGS!!!
• I love shopping. If I had unlimited amounts of money I would shop every single day
• I am a huge nerd- and on that note I am applying to medical school in april :0 (yikessss)
• I honestly think anyone can do anything they want if they think they can.
• If anything is native american, indie, plaid, or hippie, I would probably love it
• I love corn ball quotes that are "inspiring"
• Music is my life
• I can't stand hypocrites, even though I tend to be one...opps
• I love change and moving.
• I'm Mormon, which entails two things: 1) I am currently 21 and unmarried which means I am basically a dinosaur in Mormon women standards and 2) I don't do anything that is associated with crazy college fun
• I change my hair as often as I can. I change my look about everyday.
• I love photography and films
• I've been to Europe, Africa, Jamaica, Mexico and have lived all over the great US of A
• I'm a storyteller and tend to exaggerate slash I think I am pretty darn funny
• I love playing all sports but my favorite is volleyball
• I love Diet Pepsi
• I wish I could speak another language, I took about one day of French and I speak un poco Spanish
• If I could live anywhere in the world it would be California or in some European chic apartment
• Basically I am a wild, crazy, spontaneous person that stays up way to late at night and will try almost anything once!

K well thats it for now folks. PEACE & LOVE